Vera Bradley Hates Women.

Vera Bradley bags are the most hideous objects on the planet. They look like old granny diaper bags. These provincial-pattered puke pillow purses in their hideous shades of "Nantucket Navy" and "Java Blue", when slung over the shoulder, shackle women to accouterment patterns of the cult of domesticity. Nothing screams, "No, really... I love washing dishes, vacuuming & faking orgasms," like a Vera Bradley bag. Just look at this nonsense:



For whatever reason, Vera Bradley purses are a burgeoning trend at my university. I cannot walk to my desk without nearly tripping over one of the quilted things, or stand inside an elevator without one smushing into me. As though the various knock-off incarnations of hideous khaki Burberry tartan weren't enough to bare, now I must endure the constant sight of horribly matched paisley floral patterns. As far as I am concerned, this is equally as tacky as an accessory with a designer's emblem or initials stamped all over them. It seems that carrying a purse that you actually like & happen to find attractive or functional is not enough--you must also display that you 1. paid a large sum of money for it or 2. want your generic version to pass as something that you paid a large some of money for.

To a more extreme extent, it seems to me that expensive designer handbags are a woman's equivalent of the stereotype of a man buying an expensive car. We assume the equation that: a man who drives a large & expensive car = small penis. ..but what does woman with a squishy, soft, warm & welcoming, ultra-feminine purse represent? Is it a public display of their metaphorical vagina? Hell, the word "purse" itself has been used as a euphemism for female genitalia. Who wants to walk around with a warm, squishy, floral vagina hanging off their shoulder? Especially if the outward manifestation is supposed to drastically contradict the actual item in question? Yikes.

Similarly, I cannot help but believe that these purses are tokens, meant to signify willingness to settle down and breed (again–DIAPER BAG) with any member of the male population on campus. It tells that the woman is willing, at any time, to be courted by the male, marry him, surrender her career and education by dropping out of college, pop out a few babies, only to be financially tethered to the male in the end. These purses send the very clear message of: "I will lie down on my bed, open my legs and think of England." Or, in this case, Nantucket.

Plus, ol' Vera bares a striking resemblance to Laura Bush...and you know that woman never finishes the race.

Seeing, sneezing & snowing.

I broke my glasses last Wednesday. The metal piece that held the right arm of my glasses on simply broke off..leaving me with a pair of broke-ass, old-ass, cheap-ass, scratched-up-ass glasses (-ass). This could not have come at worse time, being that I am without health insurance. When I got my glasses two years ago, it was rather inexpensive, since my insurance at the time actually included optometrist visits, and even gave me an allowance on the glasses themselves--both frames & lenses. However, despite knowing that I would have to pay full price for everything, I cannot live without my glasses. I went to the optometrist the next day ...because walking into walls and being illiterate isn't fun.

The visit cost me $70. I probably needed to go anyway, as my prescription needed to be increased & my old lenses were horribly scratched. After writing a check that is the equivalent of me working ten hours, Jeremy & I went to Lens Crafters to find a new pair of frames.

That's when I found these sexythangs:



Ohyes. I will gladly trade in my old, cheap Esprit classes for a pair of sexy, clear & black (with glittery stones on the side!) Versace's. It is just too bad that they were $244. Lens Crafters gave me a 30% discount for being a AAA member on both the frames & lenses, so I saved $136. Yay to that. Seriously, though. My glasses are amazing. They're clear with stripes of tiny black dots running through them. Just look at them. It is pure geekyglassessex. Yum. You are jealous.

The best part is being able to say, "I HAVE VERSACE GLASSES" with a Showgirls accent...you know.. "VER-SASE". Fuck yeah. Thank you, Elizabeth Berkley.

(I never thought I would say that...)

I am sick. Quite sick. I have eaten nearly two bags of cough drops (pictured below), had too much Nyquil (pictured below) & have rubbed my nose raw on tissues (pictured below). Thank Target that I bought a new gigantic purse (guess what? pictured below) that can fit all of my school books, typical purse necessities, and an entire box of Puffs inside of it.



The bag is huge. It is nearly two feet wide & over a foot deep. I just wish it came with a longer handle...but I love it for its hugeness & ugliness anyway.

Also, as you can see, there are snowflakes in this collage. That is because it snowed THREE INCHES on Sunday. A bit of the snow has melted, but everything is still covered in a cold sheen of white glitter. We're supposed to have more snow tonight and flurries off & on tomorrow.

Now, I must go, before I pass out in a Nyquil-induced stupor. xo

As my paycheck dwindles...

Yay, loan refund check & payday! Naturally, I have nearly blown my entire paycheck in two days, because I finally have the money to cover my bills for the remainder of the semester. Yesterday, I was finally able to get three shirts out of layaway at work that have been there since December 1st. They are lovely & amazing.





I've always wanted a rad little thermal shirt to wear in a layered ensemble, & the heart pattern absolutely sold me. The other two are part of the nautical-inspired Rivera collection that I positively had to have. In fact, the day that they arrived, I grabbed them and put them on layaway. I simply could not resist polka dots & navy blue with kelly green. Normally, I'm not the most boisterous fan of kelly green, but paired with navy, it's quite delightful.

Today, due to the 50% off clearance sale, I went a bit crazy with my shopping. Though I purchased a dress that originally sold for $74, perfume that was originally $19, a tank that had been $23, & more, I spent a mere $28.



Of course, my employee discount helped a bit, too. I plan on sending my mom the perfume, which is Demeter's Sweet Delights in Sugar Cookie. That's right. I got a bottle of Demeter for $3.98. Woo! As for the dress, I really don't have anywhere to wear it to..but it was just so pretty & inexpensive. I paid $16 for a $74 dress. It makes me look like a disco queen. Abba, anyone?

I also bought some hair barrettes that were not on sale. I wear either a headband or plastic barrette in my hair to work every day. I think it makes up for the perpetual bedhead look, no?

So, now that I have purchased almost half a paycheck on clothing, there are still quite a few other things that I've had on my wish list for quite some time, others that have been added rather recently:



1 . Tokidoki Bastardino: This figurine has been at my favourite local music store, Shake It!, for probably over a year now. Before the craze for the Tokidoki for Le Sport Sac bags, or the new Tokidoki Smashbox makeup, I saw this little guy sitting on a shelf among the other little imported Japanese-inspired toys. Normally, I do not like dogs, anything that resembles a dog, or IS a dog. However, I do appreciate dog/cactus hybrids...and with a name like Bastardino, who couldn't love it?

2. Nintendo DS Lite in Coral Pink: I kidnap my boyfriend's DS Lite on a regular basis. I am hopelessly addicted to Animal Crossing: Wild World. I haven't really been interested in any gaming system, portable or otherwise, since getting a Sega Genesis when I was nine. That was far more than a decade ago. However, being that I enjoy his regular ol' white DS so intensely, I have been itching to get my hands on one of the coral pink ones. I'm girly. I like pink. I like cute games. I do not feel bad about this. I want this wonderful little time waster.

3. Anchor Necklace from Tealaced.com: Ainslie has done it again--she has created a website of sugar, spice, lace, tea & equally scrumptious accessories & clothing. Everything she touches turns to sugar cubes. This particular necklace attracted my attention immediately. I already own one anchor necklace, a silver one from Forever 21. However, this necklace with its big, chunky red anchor, gem & seahorse detail is delish. Ainslie is the goddess of craft: jewelry, web design & otherwise.

4. Cupcake Cult Earrings: Ok, I work at Torrid. Torrid is unfortunately owned by Mall Rat Poseur central, Hot Topic. I am not happy about this (but, hell, it pays the bills). However, I ventured to the store in December to buy a Christmas gift for my younger brother. While squeezing though the loud and obnoxious labyrinth of gothed-out 14 year olds, mommies, and curious bystanders, I actually found something in the store that I adore--these earrings with tiny clay ice cream cones & cupcakes. Aww. I've wanted the iHotto cupcake earrings from Fredflare.com for ages now, but they are quite out of my price range. These will do just fine.

5. Hello Kitty Waffle Iron - I am one of the many eternally childish Sanrio geeks in the world with a Hello Kitty-themed kitchen. Last Christmas, I bought the Hello Kitty toaster. Serendipitously, with no knowledge of my present to myself, my grandmother bought my the Hello Kitty sandwich maker. A few weeks ago, I bought the Hello Kitty coffee maker on clearance for $14 at Target. Now all that I need is the Hello Kitty waffle iron. It isn't for necessity. I don't even have the counter space for it. I just feel capitalistically incomplete without the entire set. Really. Send me emails of shame & colourful fun make happy delight to pinkrefrigerator@hellokitty.com.

6. "Two Snails Copulating" Note cards - I love snails. I have an ever-growing collection of snail figurines (brass, ceramic, wood, plush, etc) scattered throughout my living room. I am fascinated by this arthropod that lives as a gypsy--carrying its home on its back. These note cards are stunning--they have an anatomical drawing of, as the description reads, "two snails copulating". It is definitely something that I would proudly frame & hang in my living room. Plus, its from Etsy.com, meaning that a single person actually sat down & took the time to make them. I love it. Snailsex. So funny, so clever.

That is all for now. I am off to read one of my numerous books for school, pass out, and dream of dancing cactus dogs & mouthless kittens with bows on their heads. xoxo.

A present...& Diet Rambling.

When I arrived home from class & the grocery store today, I found a tiny hand-made paper box hanging from the doorknob to my apartment. A small tag on it read: "To: Kaira From: Alicia with Love". Naturally, I dropped my groceries in the stairwell to pry open the little box to see what was inside. When opened, this fell into my hands:



Yes. A necklace made with Legos. I reminded me instantly of Mariah. Alicia actually drilled tiny holes into each of them, and strung them into a ribbed fabric ribbon. Its like having my very own necklace version of the Lego Diamond Ring, only in necklace form, minus the pricyness, & made for me with love. Awww. I love Alicia.

As I mentioned before, I went to the grocery store tonight. I haven't been able to actually purchase a significant amount of groceries for quite some time, because I'm just too poor. My mother was generous enough to loan me $100 to buy food and gasoline until I can repay her when my student loan refund check finally arrives. However, instead of running off to Kroger to buy my usual staples of discounted cheesy bakery bread, generic cookies, 75 cent frozen dinners, peanut butter, assortments of pasta, and frozen pretzels, I changed my shopping patterns drastically. I bought mostly fresh vegetables, nothing with hydrogenated soybean oil, and NO COOKIES. It felt strange...but good.

Thought I am a vegetarian, I eat far fewer vegetables than I should. My diet consist mostly of pasta. Lots and lots of pasta. While I ADORE carbs, and will never eliminate them from my diet, I need more raw vegetables. I need less cookies. So, though they don't taste half as good when they're not smothered in cheeeeeese (<3<3, because I'm lacto-ovo-vegetarian), at least I can eat an entire bag of baby carrots and not feel guilty.


So, I came home, ate some carrots, and made a low-fat version of my grandmother's recipe for squash casserole. I am quite full. Its strange how much more the damn carrots fill me up than two vegetable burritos from Taco Bell would. Miraculous! Maybe this will work.

Though I lamented taking my mandatory Human Nutrition class in my last post, perhaps it will do more good than I initially wanted it to. The class is huge--there are over 100 students. It is, by far, the largest college class I have ever been enrolled in. So, instead of feeling singled out for being the fat chick in the nutrition class, I get to blend in among the others and actually learn something. I can actually read what I have jotted down in my class notes, and use them as a grocery shopping list.

With that class, the past few days have had me greatly analyzing my way of eating. Since quitting Weight Watchers five years ago, I have gained back all the weight that I lost, and then some. I am currently at the largest that I have ever been in my entire life...and it's rather strange. Instead of having an intense self-hatred going on, I'm not completely unhappy with myself. I think it is because my goals and outlook have changed dramatically. Before, I had always wanted to lose weight for one reason, and one reason only. I did not want to do it necessary for my health, to get my family to shut up about it, or to feel better about myself. I wanted to lose weight simply to please others--in a romantic sense. I thought that if I were thin, I would easily be able to obtain affection--to be worthy of love. Otherwise, my fatass slob self would be alone forever. However, nearly 10 months ago, fate took a completely unexpected turn, and dumped a delightful, intelligent, analytical, funny, and amazing boy into my lap. A boy who loves me, regardless of my girth and multiple chins. Finally, I can attempt to better myself for myself. Otherwise, I know that I was doomed to fail. Instead of trying to be more healthy in hopes of impressing someone, I can do it for me. I think that is the only way that I can be successful at this battle.

I don't really have any main objectives right now. I don't have a goal weight that I want to obtain. I'm going to try taking small steps first. Then maybe I can figure out how to work exercising into my work/school/radio station/etc schedule. I think that if I present too many goals for myself all at once, I will deem them impossible and give up completely. I'm not setting myself for failure this time. Hell no.

New semester, new blog.

With a new semester of school comes a new blog. I've been itching for another public blog since my domain, phobiadictionary.net, expired in October. I do not have the funds to pay for another one at the moment (I am impatiently awaiting my loan refund check!), I decided to just stick with an on-Blogger page instead. If I am able to have a new domain any time soon, this will be the place to announce it.

The new semester began for me yesterday. As usual, I approached the semester with a yawn, lack of sleep, unbrushed hair, and nothing for breakfast..but accessorized as well as possible for 9am, with a stockpile of junk in my bag to keep me busy during the boring periods between classes:




This included: a few plastic barrettes snapped in my messy hair, fabric zebra button earrings, open-toed pinstripe flats with bows (comfortable as hell, but still attractive), an armload of composition notebooks, lots of Bic pens, a knitting project to work on during my three hour gap between classes, and Demeter perfume in Angel Food Cake (because, well, I can't afford breakfast, so I might as well smell like something yummy!). Also included was my wonderful Hello Kitty planner that Steve & Cassie gave me for my birthday. Sadly, I couldn't find a good picture of it to use in my dorky collage.

This semester, I am actually going to attempt (again) to take more than the minimum of 12 hours. I'm enrolled in 15 hours (5 classes) at the moment:

HIS 594 - History of Ireland
ENG 212 - Survey of Women's Lit II
BIO 126 - Human Nutrition
WMS 310 - Women, Wages & Work
GEO 407 - Local Community Geographic Analysis

I added that particular Geography class yesterday. It quite suits my interests, as it focuses on development in the Northern Kentucky area. I've been fascinated by urban development, suburban sprawl, and geographic social stratification for quite some time now. It should be very interesting to learn from this class from the point of view of my professor--a former city planner. Plus, we don't have a textbook. I love that. All of the other classes (except for my mandatory, non-lab science class, Human Nutrition) sound rather interesting as well. They all approach themes that I gravitate toward, even in a non-scholastic environment.

My radio show on WRFNRadio.com is moving to a new time, to go along with my new schedule. I will be on 4-6pm on Tuesday & Thursday. I'm going to be working on the site & adding new things within the next few weeks. I hope to finally finish the mini-site for my program, File Not Found, sometime soon. It will be found on a subdomain at wrfnradio.com. I'll certainly make a note of it if I ever manage to complete it!

Other than school, I'm trying to find a new place to live. My lease is up on February 17th, they're raising the rent, and I very much would like to move to a slightly larger apartment. Besides, I get bored if forced to live somewhere for longer than a year. I need a change. Why oh why isn't there a government program that allows students to have rent for free? I need to be in congress. Elect me!