A present...& Diet Rambling.
When I arrived home from class & the grocery store today, I found a tiny hand-made paper box hanging from the doorknob to my apartment. A small tag on it read: "To: Kaira From: Alicia with Love". Naturally, I dropped my groceries in the stairwell to pry open the little box to see what was inside. When opened, this fell into my hands:
Yes. A necklace made with Legos. I reminded me instantly of Mariah. Alicia actually drilled tiny holes into each of them, and strung them into a ribbed fabric ribbon. Its like having my very own necklace version of the Lego Diamond Ring, only in necklace form, minus the pricyness, & made for me with love. Awww. I love Alicia.
As I mentioned before, I went to the grocery store tonight. I haven't been able to actually purchase a significant amount of groceries for quite some time, because I'm just too poor. My mother was generous enough to loan me $100 to buy food and gasoline until I can repay her when my student loan refund check finally arrives. However, instead of running off to Kroger to buy my usual staples of discounted cheesy bakery bread, generic cookies, 75 cent frozen dinners, peanut butter, assortments of pasta, and frozen pretzels, I changed my shopping patterns drastically. I bought mostly fresh vegetables, nothing with hydrogenated soybean oil, and NO COOKIES. It felt strange...but good.
Thought I am a vegetarian, I eat far fewer vegetables than I should. My diet consist mostly of pasta. Lots and lots of pasta. While I ADORE carbs, and will never eliminate them from my diet, I need more raw vegetables. I need less cookies. So, though they don't taste half as good when they're not smothered in cheeeeeese (<3<3, because I'm lacto-ovo-vegetarian), at least I can eat an entire bag of baby carrots and not feel guilty.
So, I came home, ate some carrots, and made a low-fat version of my grandmother's recipe for squash casserole. I am quite full. Its strange how much more the damn carrots fill me up than two vegetable burritos from Taco Bell would. Miraculous! Maybe this will work.
Though I lamented taking my mandatory Human Nutrition class in my last post, perhaps it will do more good than I initially wanted it to. The class is huge--there are over 100 students. It is, by far, the largest college class I have ever been enrolled in. So, instead of feeling singled out for being the fat chick in the nutrition class, I get to blend in among the others and actually learn something. I can actually read what I have jotted down in my class notes, and use them as a grocery shopping list.
With that class, the past few days have had me greatly analyzing my way of eating. Since quitting Weight Watchers five years ago, I have gained back all the weight that I lost, and then some. I am currently at the largest that I have ever been in my entire life...and it's rather strange. Instead of having an intense self-hatred going on, I'm not completely unhappy with myself. I think it is because my goals and outlook have changed dramatically. Before, I had always wanted to lose weight for one reason, and one reason only. I did not want to do it necessary for my health, to get my family to shut up about it, or to feel better about myself. I wanted to lose weight simply to please others--in a romantic sense. I thought that if I were thin, I would easily be able to obtain affection--to be worthy of love. Otherwise, my fatass slob self would be alone forever. However, nearly 10 months ago, fate took a completely unexpected turn, and dumped a delightful, intelligent, analytical, funny, and amazing boy into my lap. A boy who loves me, regardless of my girth and multiple chins. Finally, I can attempt to better myself for myself. Otherwise, I know that I was doomed to fail. Instead of trying to be more healthy in hopes of impressing someone, I can do it for me. I think that is the only way that I can be successful at this battle.
I don't really have any main objectives right now. I don't have a goal weight that I want to obtain. I'm going to try taking small steps first. Then maybe I can figure out how to work exercising into my work/school/radio station/etc schedule. I think that if I present too many goals for myself all at once, I will deem them impossible and give up completely. I'm not setting myself for failure this time. Hell no.
Yes. A necklace made with Legos. I reminded me instantly of Mariah. Alicia actually drilled tiny holes into each of them, and strung them into a ribbed fabric ribbon. Its like having my very own necklace version of the Lego Diamond Ring, only in necklace form, minus the pricyness, & made for me with love. Awww. I love Alicia.
As I mentioned before, I went to the grocery store tonight. I haven't been able to actually purchase a significant amount of groceries for quite some time, because I'm just too poor. My mother was generous enough to loan me $100 to buy food and gasoline until I can repay her when my student loan refund check finally arrives. However, instead of running off to Kroger to buy my usual staples of discounted cheesy bakery bread, generic cookies, 75 cent frozen dinners, peanut butter, assortments of pasta, and frozen pretzels, I changed my shopping patterns drastically. I bought mostly fresh vegetables, nothing with hydrogenated soybean oil, and NO COOKIES. It felt strange...but good.
Thought I am a vegetarian, I eat far fewer vegetables than I should. My diet consist mostly of pasta. Lots and lots of pasta. While I ADORE carbs, and will never eliminate them from my diet, I need more raw vegetables. I need less cookies. So, though they don't taste half as good when they're not smothered in cheeeeeese (<3<3, because I'm lacto-ovo-vegetarian), at least I can eat an entire bag of baby carrots and not feel guilty.
So, I came home, ate some carrots, and made a low-fat version of my grandmother's recipe for squash casserole. I am quite full. Its strange how much more the damn carrots fill me up than two vegetable burritos from Taco Bell would. Miraculous! Maybe this will work.
Though I lamented taking my mandatory Human Nutrition class in my last post, perhaps it will do more good than I initially wanted it to. The class is huge--there are over 100 students. It is, by far, the largest college class I have ever been enrolled in. So, instead of feeling singled out for being the fat chick in the nutrition class, I get to blend in among the others and actually learn something. I can actually read what I have jotted down in my class notes, and use them as a grocery shopping list.
With that class, the past few days have had me greatly analyzing my way of eating. Since quitting Weight Watchers five years ago, I have gained back all the weight that I lost, and then some. I am currently at the largest that I have ever been in my entire life...and it's rather strange. Instead of having an intense self-hatred going on, I'm not completely unhappy with myself. I think it is because my goals and outlook have changed dramatically. Before, I had always wanted to lose weight for one reason, and one reason only. I did not want to do it necessary for my health, to get my family to shut up about it, or to feel better about myself. I wanted to lose weight simply to please others--in a romantic sense. I thought that if I were thin, I would easily be able to obtain affection--to be worthy of love. Otherwise, my fatass slob self would be alone forever. However, nearly 10 months ago, fate took a completely unexpected turn, and dumped a delightful, intelligent, analytical, funny, and amazing boy into my lap. A boy who loves me, regardless of my girth and multiple chins. Finally, I can attempt to better myself for myself. Otherwise, I know that I was doomed to fail. Instead of trying to be more healthy in hopes of impressing someone, I can do it for me. I think that is the only way that I can be successful at this battle.
I don't really have any main objectives right now. I don't have a goal weight that I want to obtain. I'm going to try taking small steps first. Then maybe I can figure out how to work exercising into my work/school/radio station/etc schedule. I think that if I present too many goals for myself all at once, I will deem them impossible and give up completely. I'm not setting myself for failure this time. Hell no.
posted by kaira at 12:45 AM
1 Comments:
I am SO jealous of the necklace! I need to get more friendly with Alicia. ;)
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